Brandon O'Brien

defining moment

defining moment

bi from the latin for
split in half
bi from the latin for
whatever you think you are
means nothing to me
because I think I know what you are
yes, of course
I cheat
I know the Konami Code very well
yes, of course
I just mean that I like boys
far more somehow than girls
that I want to fall deep into their bodies
in ways that have nothing to do with their hearts
that when I say one's lips are magic
I want more than just that
yes, of course
I regretted being with a girl that one time
goddamn straight girls
Heaven forbid I would want to
be touched by something lovely, am I right?
yes, of course
I'm too faggot to be fearsome.

from Old English for
if you donít know I am
entitled to expose you
let me show you how
much of you is shackled
to my tongue
you were hoping that you would
come across as the progressive one
when you presented my paper for me,
when you waved your hands around me
like a car on Wheel of Fortune
but all you did was confess
that people like me
don't choose the narrators of our stories
or if we have good ones
if we have happily ever afters
if we slay dragons all on our own
I do not need a knight
what I need
is for you to lend me your goddamn sword
and watch me do this myself
but apparently
I'm too faggot to be fearless.

from Old English
of unknown origin
maybe Old High German for
the place where
all your thoughts are locked
til they decay
this trap is mine
this rickety automaton is mine
this bundle of tension is mine
I know which gears need greasing
which prayers need pleasing
and which fears need fleecing
and I will name it whatever I want
it will move when I tug its levers
so it will only answer to what I say
it doesn't matter to me if you think
black beautiful boy doesn't suit me
if you think I should remain
a function undefined
I have found all the points of myself
on each of my skin's curved lines
all of these words are mine.
You don't get to use them
without my permission.
There is too much fear here
and it bursts through the cracks of me
when it goes misnomered.